Thursday, March 06, 2003

Grammar Police

Okay, this guy at the is hilarious. And possibly British! But don't let that deter you. Here are his thoughts on grammar, or specificially, the semicolon. (I guess it's a slow news day...)

I will, however, take the time to address those people who think that the semicolon is an unworthy piece of punctuation, by quoting the work of someone whose writing, and self-regard, remind me very much of myself:

"And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep."
[my powers of intuition and the hyperlink provided determined that this is from Genesis.-ss]

So, in brief, people who distain the semicolon go against the will of God; and, ergo, hate America. And you can complain all you want that God is just a primitive superstition designed to scare you into buying one of those neon Jesuses from the mall gift store, but that doesn't change the fact that he's sold way more books than you. So nyah.

However, it is the Poor Man's very strongly held position that the word "utilize" is an abomination, and that anyone who uses it, whatever they think their motives are, is objectively pro-child molestor. The word is "use." It does everything that "utilize" does, with 1/3 the syllables, and it doesn't make you sound like a four-star jackass. So cut it out.


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