Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Abstinence Pistols

Headline in the NYT today: Christian Bands, Crossing Over. Of course I instantly thought: "Quick! Send them back!" But my curiosity won out and I shortly found myself reading in astonished disbelief about a new musical genre: Christian punk. Like other unnatural hybrids such as tequiza or compassionate conservatism, this music probably should not be. Christian rock was bad enough, but this article suggests that Christians are now experimenting in hardcore. I searched the article in vain for what I really wanted to know: lyrics. While there is certainly no set definition, rock and punk rock have common roots in an anti-establishment ethos. It's supposed to be sex and drugs and sweat and intensity--to paraphrase Edina's rant from Absolutely Fabulous "Who chokes to death on their own vomit now? Nobody!" And even though straight edge didn't go in for the sex and drugs and booze part, there was a radical political agenda to take up the rebellion banner. I am dying to know what these punk rockers rage about: "GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS!" "HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER" "TRICK YOUR CLASSMATES INTO LOCK-INS BY OFFERING FREE PIZZA!"

In the interest of investigative journalism, I went to the premiere underground Christian punk site on the internet. I still was not able to find any answers about lyrics. But there was an enlightening discussion on the various bulletin boards. "DARWIN SUX!!! IM[sic] NOT A MONKEY ,dont[sic] believe all of his lies!!!" ranted one young scholar.

There was also a sort of manifesto defending the genre. It ran something like this: nobody has a monopoly on punk rock, it is all about creativity. So Christian punks can be real punk rockers. But we should not spend all our time defending ourselves as such against the naysayers, because we need to spend more time thinking about God.

One of the bulletin board topics from these true punk rockers was entitled "Fugazi." Curious, I investigated. The verdict? "this band's pretty cool, at least the one song ive heard by them, im gonna d/l some more songs by them."

Wow. A new discovery is made. Yes, I'm aware the kid is probably 12, but can't he just start rebelling like a *normal* teenager? Is this to be the scourge of our generation? We grow up to have a bunch of kids who rebel against our sensibilities by attending youth group rallies?

Which reminds me. Did you know that Ian MacKaye is something like 40?