Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Stop them you fools, they're getting away!

Diabolical genius Orrin Hatch has devised a diabolical plan to thwart the evildoers who illegally download music files:

"We will destroy their computers! BWAHAHAHAHA!!" he announced, twisting his black moustache.

Or as Salon more judiciously phrases it:
The chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee said Tuesday he favors developing new technology to remotely destroy the computers of people who illegally download music from the Internet.

And Senator Hatch will not be stopped until ALL the plagues that infest our society have been squelched by REMOTE DESTRUCTION. To that end, his team of diabolical mad scientists is working around the clock to develop:

--Exploding credit card receipts that detonate when a server is under-tipped
--Ejection seats on city buses that catapult citizens out of the bus when they fail to vacate their spot for the elderly/handicapped
--Fire bombs installed in car engines that burst into flames when the driver fails to come to a complete stop at stop signs/doesn't use blinker.

You can purchase Orrin Hatch's Christian Music recordings here. Oh, hell, just go get them from Kazaa.


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