Girl, please

We have a winner! In the category of Worst Line to Ever Work on a Female, Leonard Slatkin, the acclaimed conductor of the BBC Symphony Orchestra and the National Symphony Orchestra, takes top prize. According to my inside sources, Slatkin was carrying on a torrid affair with married deaf percussionist Evelyn Glennie over e-mail. Glennie's then-husband recounts his discovery of the winning words of wooing:

"One email said, 'The thought of my modem inside your laptop turns my mainframe on.' It was pretty tacky." The article goes on to quote Slatkin's e-mail to Glennie: "Will we have to be on line to make love? I'll nibble on your bits and byte."

And it seems that she liked it. Now, I'm not one to get in the way of whatever gets you going, but Evelyn honey, you're bringing down the sisterhood. You gotta have some standards or these guys will think they can get away with sad-sack lines like that.