Sir, kindly remove your cock from my shoulder

This is not the way I wanted to start my fancy Friday. I grumbled my way onto the bus, silently doing some sort of drinking resolutioning that involved the creation of a new truism: you can drink without dinner, and you can get free drinks, but never the twain should meet. And then I kerplunked into my seat to begin my morning scrunchy-eyed ritual of hating everyone who steps on the bus for really good reasons such as: I hate her hair; look at his fat ass; she has a bad attitude; who does he think he is walking on the bus like that. It was getting rather crowded, which was fine because I had a seat, so my only preoccupation was to hope that no old folks got on because I wasn't feeling my morning freshy best.

Some guy was standing in the aisle next to my seat, when a woman pushed past him to get to the door. And as she pushed past him...ugh...he puuuuuuuushed his torso forward to let her by and ever so insistently.......oh lord......pressed his crotch into my shoulder. This, I think, is the most severe breach of bus etiquette I have experienced since that guy grabbed my inner thigh, and at least he had the excuse of being schizophrenic/drunk/high/mentally retarded/generic street crazy. The dick that was acquainting itself with my upper arm was attached to a man in suit and tie, so really, his mother ought to have taught him better. So the bus ride resulted in not one, but two truisms. A record I think. Number one is recorded above, number two still needs some work with the wording, but it definitely involves an interdiction against contact with stranger's genitalia prior to morning coffee.

The word for today is: ewwwwww