Sorry, Mom

I'm writing an e-mail to my Mom as soon as I finish this post. You see, I like to move places that make her nervous: Chicago, D.C., Moscow, anywhere outside the TX borders, really. I don't know if it's like this in other states--I imagine it is--but my ma seems fairly certain that a step across the Red River is an invitation to slaughter and rape and burglary and anthrax. I'm exaggerating a little. But just a leeetle.

So I was justifiably surprised to see a report in the Dallas Morning News asserting that Dallas is on pace to having the No. 1 crime rate for large cities for the 6th year running. Three Texas cities make the top five, with San Antonio coming in at #3, and Houston dragging behind at #4. The numbers consist of reported crimes in homicides, rapes, robberies, assaults, burglaries, thefts, and auto thefts. Furthermore, the rate is the number of crimes per 1,000 residents, so there goes my theory that D.C. didn't make the top ten due to its small size. Hell. I'm in freaking Disney World here, apparently! Texas looks like a dangerous, lawless, anarchic state, and I'm composing an e-mail to my parents at once to urge them to move to the safe environs of Maui.

I'll come visit!