Thursday, August 14, 2003

Horrible news!

The execrable honorable Admiral John Poindexter has resigned from his post at DARPA, and we can only fear, is abandoning for good his long career of public service. His parting words include the following:
‘‘I regret that we have not been able to ... reassure the public that we do not intend to spy on them," the retired admiral said in a letter dated Tuesday. ‘‘I think I have done all that I can do under the circumstances."

It must be frustrating to be the guiding light behind the Total Information Awareness Act. Where, oh where, could we Americans possibly have gotten the idea that our government--our own government for crying out loud!--would ever spy on us?

Could it be because the database that wold be compiled under the auspices of Total Information Awareness would grant law enforcement officials unlimited access to credit card records, banking transactions, e-mail correspondence, phone records, prescriptions filled at drugstores, and books checked out from libraries without the necessity of a search warrant or any other legal authorization?

Did we mention there are terrorists about? And Americans are whining about library books?

I mean, you heard the man. He's tried! Lord knows, he's tried. He's done everything he can do. And hey, if doing everything you can do gets you convited on five felony counts of lying to Congress, destroying official documents and obstructing congressional inquiries1, then that's the kind of sacrifice the Admiral is willing to make! And anyway, he was cleared of those charges, remember? For a really really good reason.

So why this unbridled paranoia? I guess we'll have to chalk up to some wild liberal conspiracy theorists and their brainwashing bile, as usual. People don't want to recognize that the government is on our side, and knows what is best. They even came up with this comforting logo, which represents how the terryifying tireless eye of government will not rest until all the terrorists are caught, and it's not even a little creepy!

1That phrase completely plagiarized from an old Post column. Just didn't want to blow my flow, you know?


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