I finally took the plunge last week and got my D.C. driver's license. After waiting through some of the most criminally slow lines this side of Tblisi, I fluffed my hair, said "cheese," and then had two startling realizations. 1) In D.C. (and apparently in other states that are not Texas), they will give you the hard copy of your license right there. No holding on to that stupid temporary thing while waiting for your wretched photo to show up in your mailbox. They just hand it to you within 5 minutes. Quel Progress! as Holly Golightly would say.

Realization two came after they handed me my new license, and I sat down to compare it with my old one, checking for signs of maturity, wisdom, or fading freckles. So: 2) They took my TX driver's license! When I handed it to them as part of the documentation towards my new one, they simply didn't return it. I was warned that this might happen, but could scarcely believe such rumor-mongering. Someone just yanked my Texas card. Why don't they just extract my taste buds, replace them with spice-sensitive and margarita-oblivious versions, and cut off 5-inches from my height while they're at it? Mamma mia! I called my mother in distress and she comforted me by saying that when outsider move to Texas, they're welcome, but they're always outsiders. But when a Texan moves anywhere, they're always a Texan. I calmed down. After spending the first half of my life disdaining the Lone Star State, I now spend my time evangilizing the superior virtues of my home while secretly wondering if there was anything worthwhile outside Austin. It's rather confusing.