Wednesday, November 26, 2003

I am way too hyped about receiving my first DC jury summons. I've already planned my activities and snacks for the waiting room, and formulated opinions on various issues so that I'll be ready with articulate responses that will ensure my ass will be nowhere within 500 yards of an active jury. DC municipal institutions make for some damn excellent people watching. As do chili dog diners at 3:30 am:

The Players:
Woman in Line Behind Me (Woman)
Man Who Just Cut in Front of Us (Man)
His Girlfriend (Girlfriend)

The Scene: Ben's Chili Bowl, 3:30 am, mobs of people are packed like sardines, waiting to get to the counter to order. A woman next to me notices that we have been cut in front of.

WOMAN: Excuse me! Ex-cuse me! Whatchu doing up there? YOU are gettin' between ME and my INTAKE OF FOOD.
MAN: What? You talkin' to me, girl? Whatchu talkin' about?
WOMAN: I am talkin' about you in front of me where you got no business bein'! YOU are not FINE enough to cut in front of me!
MAN: [amused] Oh I ain't, huh?
WOMAN: No, you sho ain't! I'm taller than yo' short ass, too!
MAN: [less amused, definitely short] No you ain't!
WOMAN: I am five foot eight with my heels on, boy.
MAN: [lying] I'm 6 foot 2, girl.
WOMAN: Maybe wit' your EGO on your head you are!
ME: I'm totally taller than you. I'm huge.
WOMAN: Yeah, she taller!
MAN: [looking up at me] No you ain't!
ME: Yes I am.
MAN: [to his girlfriend who is trying to ignore him] Baby, who's taller, me or her?
GIRLFRIEND: [bored, droning, without looking up] You are, baby.
MAN: [triumphant] SEE?
WOMAN: I still do not understand why I see your ass between me and my FOOD!

After I recovered from laugh cramps, the woman and I cut back in front of the man and his girlfriend and got our grub. And they all lived happily ever after.



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