Word to the wise

My spidey senses have been all aquiver lately. Since my political barometer is based entirely on intuition, innuendo, and astrology, you can take this or leave it. But I feel that I come to you at the turning of the tide. [For those of you paying attention, I just put a spiderman and a Lord of the Rings reference in 3 sentences. I am going to go dump my boyfriend and then kill myself.]

It seems to me that things are turning around for the dems. Or at least turning down for the pres. Paul O'Neill's allegations are just one of many recent indictments of our Dear Leader. The Carnegie Endowment report on pre-war intelligence and missing WMDs in Iraq may have only confirmed conventional wisdom, but it did so with the research, resources, and influential name of respected experts and scholars. It warranted a response from Colin Powell, who was all "yeah, we didn't have a smoking gun, but shut up!"

Then there's the Mars nonsense that is pretty widely derided. I will be doing more research on this topic tonight by watching the Daily Show. Jon Stewart said that they would have a guest from NASA on to talk about Mars and "why we're....there. And why President Bush want to send...more stuff...there. [stage whisper to camera] I think it's 'cause he's given up on...here."

What with Mars and the Mexicans (M&M policy?), Bush seems to be shuffling a big deck of cards called "My Ideas" and having Cheney pluck one from the deck. I expect "National Foam Party" to come up any day now. Which is cool because I never went to one of those in college because I scoffed at frat parties, but I secretly wanted to because it sounded like the Slip'n'Slide party I always wanted to throw but didn't due to liability concerns. Don't even try to touch my run-ons.

Anyway, I'm going to do you all a favor and let you know that UPN's America's Next Top Model is premiering tonight. It was the best reality TV show ever in its premier season, thanks to bitchy indie rock scientist Elyse, and I'm hoping this season won't let me down. Also, contrary to all expectations, Donald Trump's reality show The Apprentice is totally hilarious. I always knew those business majors were comic gold (they take themselves so seriously!) but nobody ever cashed in on this idea until now. Grovelling has never been so sad and so wonderful.

You can tell my self-enrichment plans for the New Year are going really well, huh?