The Word

Saw Troy last night; what a crap film.

These guys are supposed to be the greatest warriors and generals of their civilization - battling for glory and doom and defying gods. It should feel epic, glorious, maybe even primordial, given the subject matter.

Instead, it was utterly slight and boring and petty. Helen of Troy looked like a cheap skank with such memorable lines as "Last night was a mistake." (Beg pardon? We slipped into late 20th century hook-up regret?) Brad Pitt, I'm sorry to say, was totally unbelievable as Achilles and too beefcake-y to be sexy in my book. Worst of all, the special effects for the battle scenes paled in comparison to some recent video game commercials I've seen, causing Kriston to throw his hands up in the air at one point and sputter, "They spent thirty dollars on this movie!"

I do still think that Agamemnon is the coolest name ever, and so let's all feel sorry for any offspring I may one day bear.