Lord Help Me

I know it's wrong. I know that God frowns at me from above. But Jaysus, Mary, St. Joseph and all the saints. If Michael Phelps insists on pulling his little swimmy suit down that low, even in dismay at his relay team's performance, I'm going to have no choice but to have a sinful crush on a 19-year-old. Pedophile! Harlot! Jezebel! Save me!
But come on ladies. Are you with me?