Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Feed Your Head

I've always been a very good girl.

I made good grades, I was in the band, I never got grounded, and I almost always made curfew. I cannot cross the street until the little man tells me to, and I always follow the washing instructions on my laundry.

I tried to become a smoker during my disgruntled freshman year in college, but after enough hack-filled nights trying to look surly as I lit the wrong end of a clove on the el platform, I knew it just wouldn't take.

So here, here in the early days of GWBII, I'm having a little trouble finding a good outlet for my new commitment to revolutionary upheaval and destabilizing subversion.

I'm putting training wheels on my little Huffy of dissent.

Here's the program. What you do is, you ask your self: "WWGWBD?" What Wouldn't George W. Bush Do? I know! He wouldn't read a book! In particular, he wouldn't read a banned book!

So if you're feeling a little sinister, but like, Judy Blume sinister rather than Che sinister, hie ye hence to the ALA's list of the 100 most frequently banned books inthe U.S. and take a gander.

And yes, I said "Judy Blume" for a reason. That sweet mentor who taught us about our periods. Banned. Along with Anastasia Krupnik? Also taught me about periods. Banned. You want some more? Okay, how 'bout What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters. Banned. Are we noticing a trend yet? Okay, good because here's the punchline to that series: The Handmaid's Tale. Banned.

And just if you thought it was all a conspiracy to pretend we don't menstruate, our cultural stewards also managed to get Lord of the Flies, Native Son, Slaughterhouse Five, The House of Spirits, To Kill a Mockingbird, Beloved, The Catcher in the Rye, Where's Waldo (Where's Fucking Waldo, you paranoid motherfuckers???).

Oddly, I didn't see on the list what I understand is our most endangered book of all. But then, I guess that's just because John Kerry isn't president.

Isn't that right, West Virginia? ISN'T IT.


Post a Comment

<< Home