Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Last Tango in Payroll

I know, I know. Everybody thinks that their work environment is straight out of "The Office" or "Office Space" or some such. And normally, I don't consider my otherwise charming place of business to be this way. But I defy you to come up with a more horrifically awkward, cringe-inducing office story this side of Ricky Gervais leading the staff in a guitar singalong.

Our Vice President sends out an e-mail announcing that an All-Staff meeting will take place, during which important initiatives of varying sorts shall be unveiled, followed by—get this—"entertainment provided by [our company's] own Latin Dancers."

Come again? We all asked in huddles in the kitchen. We have Latin Dancers?

A clarifying e-mail is sent to select staff:

Company Salsa Dancers!

I recently confessed to our vice president that I am a salsa dancer, and since then we have found many hidden salsa dancing talents at our company. In order to encourage this fun trend at our company, we will have a salsa dancing session after the All-Staff meeting. We invite all "exposed and hidden" dancers at the company to join us in this fun activity! There will be a 5-minute salsa performance after the meeting, followed by all staff joining in a 15-minute salsa session! Please let me know if you are interested in joining the performance team.

I ask you.

Anything more catastrophically terrible? Than a room full of our cubicle-kissed complexions staring glassily as a few of our colleagues push the PowerPoint projector aside, roll up their blazers, and start to shimmy? Our eyes desperately avoiding one another's? Followed by the entire staff, bosses down to interns, nudging our notebooks and logo coffee mugs to the walls to perform a dignity-destroying, desperation-soaked salsa in ties and pantyhose to please our vice president?

Because, pretty much, this is the most awesome event in my brief tenure as a career woman, and I wouldn't miss it for anything.


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