Thursday, May 19, 2005

Sith Happens

Tonight, we finally peel off the last painful corner of the galactic Band-aid that has been the never-effing-ending Star Wars saga. Praise Jesus.

I have a question about men.

Why do you insist that I watch things that you know I don't enjoy? When I plop down for Ab Fab, or for my variations-on-a-theme-of-elegiac-despair-with-subtitles film fests, I do not require that my boyfriend joins me. In fact, I make sure he's nowhere around to poison my viewing pleasure with his terrible taste. When I watch a film with somebody who is not enjoying it, I start to view it through the prism of their distaste and then I become uncomfortable and I feel guilty and my entire evening is shot. I am a utilitarian when it comes to movie viewing, which if I remember Philosophy 101 correctly, means that the world is a better place if we both receive mild enjoyment from watching Ed Wood than if you rent Dawn of the Dead when I specifically said, "I don't care what you get as long as it's not a zombie movie." I'm sorry, where was I?

Right, the inverse doesn't hold. It is, for some reason, extremely important that I watch zombie movies and weird cartoons about superheroes and of course, Star Wars. And I know I'm not the only one. Back when Episode 2 was preparing for its inglorious debut, he and I were chowing at a local eatery in Austin when we overheard a conversation at the table next to us:

HE: But you're not going to know what's happening in Episode 2!
SHE: [tightly] It's fine.
HE: But you said you liked them!
SHE: [exasperated] I said they were okay.
HE: I don't get it. It has everything you like! Romance, adventure, a great story! [At this point Kriston and I have stopped eating and he is gesticulating wildly in adamant solidarity with this stranger's keen analysis.]
SHE: I'm just not that into it. [I start gesticulating in support of her insightful rebuttal.]
HE: Okay, okay. I've got a solution. You don't have to watch Episode 1 with me, IF you watch episodes 4, 5, and 6. Okay?

I don't hate Star Wars. I just don't care about Star Wars. I don't go see 75% of the movies that I'm genuinely interested in seeing, and yet, somehow I have seen every Star Wars debut on opening day and also, Blade. Twice.


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