Five Things
Catherine wants me to tell you 5 things that you didn't already know about me. Let's see how uninformatively revealing I can be.
1. I am not going to Albania in January. Related: this is most definitely the first time I have voluntarily foregone foreign travel and perhaps reflects a certain growing maturity. (Lies! It reflects the fact that Mom said she'd take me shopping if I didn't go.)
2. Did I ever mention that my first career choice was to be an orchestral musician? I was a pretty serious clarinet player in my day. And I was a music performance major for my first year in college before I realized that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life confined to practice rooms and emerge with a conversational and intellectual range that didn't extend beyond the relative merits and demerits of reed brands. So I dropped the major, transferred to the University of Texas, and never looked back. Now and then I miss the euphoria of playing in the midst of a top-notch orchestra, but if I ever find a local screwball woodwind quintet that would have me, I think I'd be satisfied.
3. My arm gets totally sore from throwing darts.
4. I had a brief but illustrious modeling career that landed me on a cover. Of a free Dallas-area gambling magazine. I was wearing a wedding dress, and there were slot machines. The issue was about Vegas weddings. Although you'll choose not to believe me, I swear on everything I hold dear that this was a favor for a friend and not a product of my own ambitions.
5. My brief but illustrious modeling career also led to another favor, in which a friend who designs formal wear for drag queen pageants asked me to pose in some gowns. I choose to believe this is because of my height, and dwell no further on it. Those girls do not have hips, let me tell you. Photos of #4 and #5 are hoarded by Mother as incendiary blackmail leverage. I am definitely going to have to produce grandchildren.
1. I am not going to Albania in January. Related: this is most definitely the first time I have voluntarily foregone foreign travel and perhaps reflects a certain growing maturity. (Lies! It reflects the fact that Mom said she'd take me shopping if I didn't go.)
2. Did I ever mention that my first career choice was to be an orchestral musician? I was a pretty serious clarinet player in my day. And I was a music performance major for my first year in college before I realized that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life confined to practice rooms and emerge with a conversational and intellectual range that didn't extend beyond the relative merits and demerits of reed brands. So I dropped the major, transferred to the University of Texas, and never looked back. Now and then I miss the euphoria of playing in the midst of a top-notch orchestra, but if I ever find a local screwball woodwind quintet that would have me, I think I'd be satisfied.
3. My arm gets totally sore from throwing darts.
4. I had a brief but illustrious modeling career that landed me on a cover. Of a free Dallas-area gambling magazine. I was wearing a wedding dress, and there were slot machines. The issue was about Vegas weddings. Although you'll choose not to believe me, I swear on everything I hold dear that this was a favor for a friend and not a product of my own ambitions.
5. My brief but illustrious modeling career also led to another favor, in which a friend who designs formal wear for drag queen pageants asked me to pose in some gowns. I choose to believe this is because of my height, and dwell no further on it. Those girls do not have hips, let me tell you. Photos of #4 and #5 are hoarded by Mother as incendiary blackmail leverage. I am definitely going to have to produce grandchildren.
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