Sue vs. Computer. Round One. Ding!
I knew things were doomed when I put in the Verizon software installation CD, and my computer was like, "No way, man. I don't think so." I was like, "Bitch, I know you can't do much, but I know you can read a CD." And the computer was all, "I know where this is going, and I don't like it. Nope. I don't wanna." So I smacked it off and rebooted.
Then I got it to read the disk, and the computer is like, "Fool, you don't even have an ethernet card up in this shit." To which I replied, "Alright, computer. You got me on that one." And I went into my closet to pull out a computer that makes this one look like a spring chicken, and ripped its guts out. I carried over the ethernet card, bleeding entrails, and shoved it into this one.
"Alright," said computer. "But your processor is too slow. You need to have 233 MHz, and you've only got 220. You cannot proceed, so just take that disk outta me, move those cables away, and just keep on dialing."
"But, but!" I sputtered. "Right here, on your documentation, it says I only need 133 MHz!"
"Do I look interested? I am not getting my ass up off this chair for one megahertz under 233 and you can take that to the bank."
So what now? Do I surrender? Dastardly computer has won Round One. Do I upgrade my processor to a measly 233 MHz? Is it possible to do such a thing? My computer is so shitty. It's getting an inferiority complex by sitting next to the pencil sharpener.
Thanks to Tom, I now have a plan to fool my bastard computer and bend it to my will. You may have won Round 1, you glorified calculator, but in the end, your ASS IS MINE.