Tell us what you really think
Russian newspaper Izvestia reports Strom Thurmond's death under the headline "America's Last Racist."
If only that were true...
"My name is Sue; How do you do? NOW YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"
It didn't support the war, it's soft on pot and gays, its economy is rolling and U.S. troops are bored. Anyway, reasons to invade countries are no longer needed!
Bush's real concern will be the state of the Canadian economy. It's currently outpacing the U.S. quite nicely. Canada's budget deficits are under control while America's soar; the once-pathetic Canadian dollar is climbing steadily against the U.S. buck. Once Americans realize that even a dope-addled nation enveloped in a giggling fog can do a better job of running its economy than the Republicans are doing, it will be curtains for Bush. America's next president will be Dr. Dre. An invasion must begin now.
"I understand nothing of politics, and I have noticed that it is a really stupid activity that leads to nothing."
- Marcel Duchamp
I feel the same way about art and chess. And school. And most things, actually.
From the Ministry of Truth Mailbag: Writer Fredric Alan Maxwell has just received a handwritten fan letter from Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) for an April 27 New York Times Magazine column about his unsettling experience of being investigated by the Secret Service. The agency was concerned about an unfriendly remark about George W. Bush Maxwell was overheard allegedly making in a bar. While being interrogated by agents, Maxwell wrote, he volunteered that he had attended a White House news conference and that "Hillary looks far better in person." The senator responded: "Dear Mr. Maxwell: I vouched for you with the Secret Service -- anyone who thinks I look better in person is a true patriot, albeit myopic. In any event, don't let this experience deter you from speaking up and out. We need to keep our sense of humor during this Orwellian time. All the best, Hillary Rodham Clinton."
June 26, 2003 -- IRONIC detachment and pet cartoons don't win ball games. The New Yorker softball team was soundly trounced 11-6 Tuesday night in Central Park by the rag-tag squad from Harper's, led by literary editor Ben Metcalf, writer Jacob Silverstein and book review editor Jennifer Szalai. The New Yorker fielded Talk of the Town editor Nick Paumgarten, writer Hendrick Hertzberg and cartoonist Michael Crawford. The winners graciously paid for the drinks later at Tap-A-Keg on Broadway and 104th Street.
As word of the ruling spread in San Francisco, a group gathered at the corner of Castro and Market Streets, where a rainbow flag — a symbol of the gay movement for the last 25 years — had regularly flown.
A small chorus of gay military veterans sang the national anthem as the rainbow flag was gently lowered, replaced with an American one.
TVS was the last private national channel, and its closure gives the Kremlin a monopoly on the airwaves ahead of December's parliamentary elections and the March presidential vote.
"Your remarks are particularly injurious to our citizens here," she wrote. "D.C. residents are risking their lives in Iraq, even though District citizens have no voting representation in the House and no representation at all in the Senate, and even though our residents are second per capita in federal income taxes."
If this summer's tour itinerary is any indication, "opening for one of the biggest rock acts on the planet" is the new "being so fucking indie it hurts." At least that's what we assume to be the case for Sleater-Kinney taking on the warm-up slot for Pearl Jam. Idlewild and the Buzzcocks have both opened for the Seattle grungedads earlier this summer, proving that, if nothing else, Ed Vedder's heart is in the right place.
"There's this resident, I don't want to say anger, but it's a feeling of disenfranchisement" among men about TV these days.
The chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee said Tuesday he favors developing new technology to remotely destroy the computers of people who illegally download music from the Internet.
So what prevents the metro from winning our ranking every year? The reader poll. Unlike other cities that finish on the top of our ranking, the Washington metro elicits a ho-hum response from its own residents. Some complain of the singles scene being too snooty, careerist and politically charged. Both men and women say there is a dearth of the opposite sex. Maybe they just don't know how good they have it.
Here's the problem with the ocean: It wants to kill you.
The sea is a bouillabaisse of death. It is swimming -- literally -- with toothed, barbed and tentacled meanies. There is a seashell so toxic that merely touching it can freeze an adult's heart (at least, according to an episode of "Hawaii Five-O" there is). There are red tides, rip tides, killer whales and hurricanes. Five days in an open boat and you're beef jerky in sunglasses. What's the deadliest occupation in the United States? Crab fishing.
As beach season begins, it's worth remembering this: One little shudder of the sea, like a horse shivering its hide, and a rogue wave can snap your back on the coral and sweep your rag-doll remains under a rock where they become a buffet for bottom dwellers.
As Reagan's budget director, David Stockman, later acknowledged, the real intent of the Reagan tax cuts was to produce a "strategic deficit that would give you an argument for cutting back the programs that weren't desired."
"Each day they dig up dead bodies in personal death camps run by a Caligula dictator," Hitchens shouted, "and I'm being asked to worry about these fucking fat slags - do me a favour!"
"The reason I like P.G. Wodehouse and Oscar Wilde is that they teach you to take frivolous things seriously and serious things frivolously," Hitchens replies. "It's all a complete farce, you understand, we're born into a losing struggle. In the meantime, I think, I must show some contempt and defiance and the best means of doing that that I know are irony and obscenity."
Laughter, applause. "Which is why it was a mistake for that man to ask me about those slut Dixie Chicks," he adds.
On a blue astro-turfed football field, one woman wields mini-Goodyear blimps, while others dance in geometric patterns.
During the past year, the three have been teaching agents across the country how to communicate just like teenage girls, complete with written quizzes on celebrity gossip and clothing trends and assigned reading in Teen People and YM magazines. The first time the girls gave a quiz, all the agents failed.
"They, like, don't know anything," said Mary, 14, giggling.
"They're, like, do you like Michael Jackson?" said Karen, 14, rolling her eyes at just how out of it adults can be.
Around the FBI offices, Karen, Mary and Kristin have become like the agents' adopted daughters, getting hugs and high-fives from their students. But naturally, the adults often think they know best.
One agent kept insisting that he was right when he answered on a quiz that Justin Timberlake was more popular than Destiny's Child. Another was miffed when the girls told the class that Led Zeppelin was just not cool. Some kept wondering why "l2m" in instant messaging couldn't be "love to meet," instead of "listen to music."
And the younger female FBI agents assumed that teenage girls would think actor George Clooney is cute.
"We're, like, no," said Mary, making a face.
"He's, like, 50," Karen exclaimed.
Thanks to the girls, Bald said, the FBI has gathered such valuable information as: never begin a chat with "hello"; never use proper grammar in instant messages; and "pos" stands for "parent over shoulder."
After the ceremony, several parents talked excitedly about finally finding out what "pos" meant.
Karen shot Mary a worried look: "Our classmates are going to kill us."
Texas A&M University brings more than just art, music, theater, [pardon me, I just choked up a lung in disbelief] and football to College Station. [yes, it brings date rape, religious zealotry, bigotry, and an unhealthy relationship with livestock.] The concentration of 45,000 students deep in the heart of sagebrush desert means an abundance of recessionproof jobs and a low cost of living. [correction: the utter undesirability of the property and the populace brings a low cost of living.] For $245,000, you can get a palatial four-bedroom on a half-acre plot. About $114,000 will buy a ranch house with three bedrooms. And less than $50,000 will guarantee your choice of cozy homes that can be driven off and replaced if you so desire. (There are 14 mobile-home parks) [that last big wasn't me. it's actually in the mag.]
Gallo's "Brown Bunny," which screened as one of three American entries in the official competition, was the lowest-rated film in the history of Screen International, the British trade paper that tabulates votes of a panel of critics. It was booed and laughed at during its screenings, there were countless walkouts, and its inclusion as an official selection called into question the judgment, even the sanity, of the programmers.
We declare and will wage total war on the ungodly communist regime in New York and your legaslative bureaucratic lackey's in Washington. It is you who are responsible and preside over the murder of children and issue the policy of ungodly preversion thats destroying our people.
If Christians take umbrage at the juxtaposition of the words "Christian" and "terrorist," ... "that may give them some idea of how Muslims feel" when they constantly hear the term "Islamic terrorism," especially since the Sept. 11 attacks.